Of course there are some secrets that only I and Khyati share, that could anger her mom, grandparents and perhaps a few others. It is some fun though…
** Driving the car at 140 kmph on the Expressway in exchange of claps and kisses (while driving) and hugs later. ``Great driving,'' she usually squeals when I am at top speed.
** Not washing off the potty (her that is, if it happens to arrive) properly before jumping into the swimming pool. I tell her to do the breast stroke initially.
** Junking on a big packet of chips and coca cola, patties and visiting MacDonald’s for French fries – not too often, but once in a while.
** Getting her to taste chicken (I am a non-vegetarian), when the rest of the family, including her mother are hardcore vegetarians, and want Khyati to be the same.
I don’t know whether all of this is for the good or bad. I just don’t think too much about it.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Specimen, January 29, 2009
A father involved with the routine of a kid (picking from school, birthday parties, sports etc) in the Indian situation elicits some reactions from people around and becomes a bit of a specimen, if I may use the word.
My impression is that busy fathers are intermittently involved with their kids, but a father (like me, being immodest here) involved almost daily raises some eyebrows among the sprinkling of grand parents and majority mother population involved in the hustle of kid routines.
As I work on my own and deal mostly with foreign clients I am able to revolve my routine amidst stiff deadlines.
People who know me as somebody who manages work and kid compare. Some observations that I don't mind:
** You are so patient. I don’t believe that you are so busy also. My husband would not wait for a minute (this is when Khyati is busy at the school swings or an unending birthday party and I wait).
** You are never late to pick up your daughter. I have been noticing this and find it really admirable.
** You must be managing Khyati’s home work also (which I don’t and cannot as it requires too much concentration and is handled by my wife and Khyati’s grand mom). When I say that I can only take care of the outdoor routine (it is also some time away from the computer screen and straining the eye), I get the feeling that some think I am trying to be modest, few also think that I hide how much work Khyati is putting in (there is this undercurrent of competition always).
My wife is of the opinion that the above credits overrate my actual role as she is also working and involved with Khyati in many more ways (like getting her ready in the morning, breakfast, home work in the evening, bath, dinner and reading to sleep)
There is a flip side though. People (fathers and mothers) who don’t know me think I may have lost my job or I am certainly unemployed to be able to follow Khyati’s routine diligently. If I happen to be unshaven the view is only buttressed.
Many are curious to know more and ask directly about what I do, perhaps unable to fathom the contended look on my face, when I am shaved.
In my opinion my efforts are actually minimal, though important, in the overall scheme of a child’s development, but compared to others, I guess it must be more. At least there is more to show.
I must add, though, handling a kid requires some patience. There is simply no choice.
My impression is that busy fathers are intermittently involved with their kids, but a father (like me, being immodest here) involved almost daily raises some eyebrows among the sprinkling of grand parents and majority mother population involved in the hustle of kid routines.
As I work on my own and deal mostly with foreign clients I am able to revolve my routine amidst stiff deadlines.
People who know me as somebody who manages work and kid compare. Some observations that I don't mind:
** You are so patient. I don’t believe that you are so busy also. My husband would not wait for a minute (this is when Khyati is busy at the school swings or an unending birthday party and I wait).
** You are never late to pick up your daughter. I have been noticing this and find it really admirable.
** You must be managing Khyati’s home work also (which I don’t and cannot as it requires too much concentration and is handled by my wife and Khyati’s grand mom). When I say that I can only take care of the outdoor routine (it is also some time away from the computer screen and straining the eye), I get the feeling that some think I am trying to be modest, few also think that I hide how much work Khyati is putting in (there is this undercurrent of competition always).
My wife is of the opinion that the above credits overrate my actual role as she is also working and involved with Khyati in many more ways (like getting her ready in the morning, breakfast, home work in the evening, bath, dinner and reading to sleep)
There is a flip side though. People (fathers and mothers) who don’t know me think I may have lost my job or I am certainly unemployed to be able to follow Khyati’s routine diligently. If I happen to be unshaven the view is only buttressed.
Many are curious to know more and ask directly about what I do, perhaps unable to fathom the contended look on my face, when I am shaved.
In my opinion my efforts are actually minimal, though important, in the overall scheme of a child’s development, but compared to others, I guess it must be more. At least there is more to show.
I must add, though, handling a kid requires some patience. There is simply no choice.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Mom and Pop, January 27, 2009
Mothers are different from fathers. It is apparent at Khyati’s school where the concerns of the mothers vary a bit compared to the fathers.
Mother’s worries: Class teacher is not doing a good job; worksheets are not being sent on time; focus on extra-curricular activities is not there; child has to be taught at home to keep up in class.
Father’s worries: Appreciating rupee is not good for exports; there is corruption in government; the school is making lot of money; Obama may be good or bad; anything can happen in the elections; there is a new insurance product; stocks have fallen; property rates are down.
Mother’s worries: Class teacher is not doing a good job; worksheets are not being sent on time; focus on extra-curricular activities is not there; child has to be taught at home to keep up in class.
Father’s worries: Appreciating rupee is not good for exports; there is corruption in government; the school is making lot of money; Obama may be good or bad; anything can happen in the elections; there is a new insurance product; stocks have fallen; property rates are down.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Potty Washing, January 25, 2009
For any father handling a kid, potty training is mandatory. So it has been between me and Khyati.
Like terrorists, stock markets, road rage, the potty can strike anytime anywhere ---market, mall, pool, school, stadium, birthday party…So one needs to be prepared about the process and also impress upon the kid that he/she should not hold it too long as it is not good for health.
Khyati, however, is generally a magnanimous kid and has perhaps understood my reluctance, laziness or lack of natural ability to take on most assignments that are handled by her mother or other mothers of her friends in similar circumstances.
So she spares me the changing clothes routine at the swimming pool, eats on her own when we are together and we have long periods of silence in the car or at home when she senses that I am not in the mood to talk (because of work or whatever), which is not the case with her mom or grand mom.
However, in the case of potty she has been pretty steadfast in holding her ground.
She insists that I do the washing, anywhere.
Perhaps it is some kind of control she likes to exercise. In my opinion most women (perhaps even little girls) like to have their way in some matters with the men that matter in their life.
For me, for now, it is potty washing that I have to abide. So, the one question I ask before heading out: ``is potty coming?’’
It comes when it has to...
Like terrorists, stock markets, road rage, the potty can strike anytime anywhere ---market, mall, pool, school, stadium, birthday party…So one needs to be prepared about the process and also impress upon the kid that he/she should not hold it too long as it is not good for health.
Khyati, however, is generally a magnanimous kid and has perhaps understood my reluctance, laziness or lack of natural ability to take on most assignments that are handled by her mother or other mothers of her friends in similar circumstances.
So she spares me the changing clothes routine at the swimming pool, eats on her own when we are together and we have long periods of silence in the car or at home when she senses that I am not in the mood to talk (because of work or whatever), which is not the case with her mom or grand mom.
However, in the case of potty she has been pretty steadfast in holding her ground.
She insists that I do the washing, anywhere.
Perhaps it is some kind of control she likes to exercise. In my opinion most women (perhaps even little girls) like to have their way in some matters with the men that matter in their life.
For me, for now, it is potty washing that I have to abide. So, the one question I ask before heading out: ``is potty coming?’’
It comes when it has to...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tennis Match 1, January 23, 2009
Continuing from the earlier blog, Khyati lost her match. She did not stand a chance as she was up against Father Serena Williams.
Khyati’s opponent was a little girl like her, but the Father treated the match as one more step by his ward towards winning a Grand Slam.
He stood by the lines, argued with the referee and showed his disgust on missed points.
There are quite few such dedicated people around, who, for example plan the entry of their kids into IITs and IIMs from class KG.
Khyati’s opponent has been enrolled for personal one to one coaching, undergoes video bio-mechanical training and carries a very fancy racquet. It shows in her game.
After losing Khyati ran towards the corner I was sitting and repeated, ``I lost,’’ almost in tears.
I told her, ``Even Sachin Tendulkar loses matches and gets out on zero.’’
Of course Khyati knows a bit about cricket because of me.
``Don’t worry next time try harder, train harder, there is an improvement from last time when you lost the first match. So be happy,’’ I told her.
Father Serena Williams, of course, was beaming.
Khyati’s opponent was a little girl like her, but the Father treated the match as one more step by his ward towards winning a Grand Slam.
He stood by the lines, argued with the referee and showed his disgust on missed points.
There are quite few such dedicated people around, who, for example plan the entry of their kids into IITs and IIMs from class KG.
Khyati’s opponent has been enrolled for personal one to one coaching, undergoes video bio-mechanical training and carries a very fancy racquet. It shows in her game.
After losing Khyati ran towards the corner I was sitting and repeated, ``I lost,’’ almost in tears.
I told her, ``Even Sachin Tendulkar loses matches and gets out on zero.’’
Of course Khyati knows a bit about cricket because of me.
``Don’t worry next time try harder, train harder, there is an improvement from last time when you lost the first match. So be happy,’’ I told her.
Father Serena Williams, of course, was beaming.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tennis Match, January 20
As I have said earlier Khyati has been playing tennis for a few months now.
Mostly, it is a fun hour for her during which the coach has to repeatedly remind her not to chat with fellow kids. But, she enjoys and is beginning to hit the ball across, so I am happy.
Last month she played in her first intra-club match and lost, which I expected. She was a little disappointed and I told her that there is always the next time when she should try harder. This month, the matches are being played and I took her again.
I expected her to lose, but is seems that she had put a bit of thought into her game. She was placing the ball intelligently and was looking to win the points. The match was getting competitive.
I had taken Aravind Adiga's White Tiger and did not read a page as I cannot recall a more involving tennis match ever.
Let me tell you it is quite a different feeling to watch your kid fight it out in a game. You want her to win, period.
For a minute I understood the predicament of Father Williams when he speaks about all the nervous energy when his kids play.
It is tough. It was like meeting a stiff deadline, perhaps worse. This is not going to be easy. Tomorrow is the second round and she is all keyed up. So am I. Perhaps, more.
Mostly, it is a fun hour for her during which the coach has to repeatedly remind her not to chat with fellow kids. But, she enjoys and is beginning to hit the ball across, so I am happy.
Last month she played in her first intra-club match and lost, which I expected. She was a little disappointed and I told her that there is always the next time when she should try harder. This month, the matches are being played and I took her again.
I expected her to lose, but is seems that she had put a bit of thought into her game. She was placing the ball intelligently and was looking to win the points. The match was getting competitive.
I had taken Aravind Adiga's White Tiger and did not read a page as I cannot recall a more involving tennis match ever.
Let me tell you it is quite a different feeling to watch your kid fight it out in a game. You want her to win, period.
For a minute I understood the predicament of Father Williams when he speaks about all the nervous energy when his kids play.
It is tough. It was like meeting a stiff deadline, perhaps worse. This is not going to be easy. Tomorrow is the second round and she is all keyed up. So am I. Perhaps, more.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Obama Girls, January 16, 2009
Obama has written a letter to his two daughters that have been made public.
He mentions about the change in his attitude about life from thinking about himself and his ambition to the world of his daughters and the infinite pleasures due to their little achievements.
What he says is true --- for me money, professional highs are important but others involving Khyati take precedence, unlike earlier.
Among the infinite pleasures that I have derived include seeing her joy in managing the slide on her own at the neighborhood park when she was 3 or so, swimming with floats on both her arms, then with one and finally without any and nowadays managing to get the shots right in tennis and even some golf.
I happened to watch the movie One Fine Day recently, in which Michelle Feiffer, as a working mom has to choose between an important client meeting and the football game of her son...she chose the latter.
Between a client mail or call and taking Khyati to her tennis game, I too would choose the latter...thats the way life is I guess...
He mentions about the change in his attitude about life from thinking about himself and his ambition to the world of his daughters and the infinite pleasures due to their little achievements.
What he says is true --- for me money, professional highs are important but others involving Khyati take precedence, unlike earlier.
Among the infinite pleasures that I have derived include seeing her joy in managing the slide on her own at the neighborhood park when she was 3 or so, swimming with floats on both her arms, then with one and finally without any and nowadays managing to get the shots right in tennis and even some golf.
I happened to watch the movie One Fine Day recently, in which Michelle Feiffer, as a working mom has to choose between an important client meeting and the football game of her son...she chose the latter.
Between a client mail or call and taking Khyati to her tennis game, I too would choose the latter...thats the way life is I guess...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Terror, January 10, 2008
Terror does play on the mind of a seven year old especially after the November 26 Mumbai attacks.
Khyati has been learning about the seven biggest countries in the world, an order that I keep forgeting --- Russia, Canada, China, Brazil, USA, India, Australia --- in some order.
Today morning (most of our close conversations incidentally happen when we are in the car together, commute from school or tennis or other classes) she asked me about the top seven in terms of the number of terrorists --- I named Pakistan, Afhganistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, India, Indonesia.
I realized in a bit that her worry was about Gurgaon, where we live...she asked within India which were the states with maximum terrorists...I named Uttar Pradesh, Bihar and also told her that terrorists are bad creatures who could be anywhere.
Then came the clincher...``Are there any terrorists in Gurgaon.''
I said ``no.''
She asked, ``are ur sure.''
I said, ``yes.''
The last thing I want her little mind to worry about is terrorists...in some way I felt it would be a victory for these criminals if they also managed to scare Khyati, given the innumerable lives and families already destroyed.
Yet, the way militants are striking crowded areas, the packed Gurgaon malls can be a prime target.
I do hope what I told my daughter turns out to be true...
Khyati has been learning about the seven biggest countries in the world, an order that I keep forgeting --- Russia, Canada, China, Brazil, USA, India, Australia --- in some order.
Today morning (most of our close conversations incidentally happen when we are in the car together, commute from school or tennis or other classes) she asked me about the top seven in terms of the number of terrorists --- I named Pakistan, Afhganistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, India, Indonesia.
I realized in a bit that her worry was about Gurgaon, where we live...she asked within India which were the states with maximum terrorists...I named Uttar Pradesh, Bihar and also told her that terrorists are bad creatures who could be anywhere.
Then came the clincher...``Are there any terrorists in Gurgaon.''
I said ``no.''
She asked, ``are ur sure.''
I said, ``yes.''
The last thing I want her little mind to worry about is terrorists...in some way I felt it would be a victory for these criminals if they also managed to scare Khyati, given the innumerable lives and families already destroyed.
Yet, the way militants are striking crowded areas, the packed Gurgaon malls can be a prime target.
I do hope what I told my daughter turns out to be true...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Laughs, January 8, 2009
A few things I say and do that Khyati liked and found funny, though not necessarily her mother:
@ If you happen to be at a volcano and it shows signs of bursting, then run away from the mountain and not towards the top as that is where the volcano is...
@ At the house of a viceroy (turned into a museum) I picked her up to a large mirror placed on a shelf she could not reach and said: this is a special mirror, if u look at it u see the face of the viceroy...her eyes gleamed with anticipation when I picked her up, though she saw herself only..
@ She learnt about Napoleon, how he could even sleep on a horse...I asked could he even do potty..ha ha
@ If you happen to be at a volcano and it shows signs of bursting, then run away from the mountain and not towards the top as that is where the volcano is...
@ At the house of a viceroy (turned into a museum) I picked her up to a large mirror placed on a shelf she could not reach and said: this is a special mirror, if u look at it u see the face of the viceroy...her eyes gleamed with anticipation when I picked her up, though she saw herself only..
@ She learnt about Napoleon, how he could even sleep on a horse...I asked could he even do potty..ha ha
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